Lately, my back has deteriorated and the pain sometimes became intolerable. I guess the disc prolapse has worsen for the last MRI Scan I had on my lumbar spine at SMC was way back 24 August 2001... a few days after my birthday. Result showed that L4/L5 disc prolapse. It is a disc degeneration marked by loss of signal, reduced thickness, pronounced annular bulge. Arghhh... I'm lost with all these medical jargon sometimes. I would rather use simple and easy layman words to describe the problem.... the cushion between the backbone disc has reduced.. now isn't that easier to understand?
Well that was 9 years ago and now it must have worsen with all my daily activities all those years. Just my train of thoughts, at times I wonder what will happen in the near future. Will I be able to sustain the pain, when now I can hardly can, at times. Or will the worst nightmare thats been bothering me since been diagnosed having this problem i.e. unable to walk. I hate to use the word paralyze though the meaning is similar.
Sometimes, I feel sorry for myself. The grass is greener on the other side of the street but not mine. At times, I feel so empty when the pain bothers me. The fear and anxiety of being bedridden is just too much to carry.
Many people believe that doctors look out for their patients' best interests above all but ultimately it is the question of whether there's a cure for such sickness. My doctor had personally conveyed to me that there is no cure for the ailment that I am facing now and the only way is to limit the movement. And how can I do that? That, as people say... to buy time only. Ultimately I will still face the problem of immobility but the solace to that is whether the immobility catches up with me or death catches up with me first!
Warmest Regards,
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